I’m struggling right now. My ghosts are haunting me back into old habits. My past is filled with lots of ugly, and the main reason I self-medicate with food. If you ask most overweight people, my guess is that they would talk about using food to make themselves feel better. I fit that mold perfectly. My self-medication started in childhood when I found that a candy bar made me feel better about my life. I have a dark past and food was always my constant. I never really got into any other self-medicating things, I didn’t like how alcohol made me sick and illicit drugs weren’t an option. Food is universally accepted and socially tolerated.

Yesterday, my son and I got into a heated argument. Due to my past, I suffer from PTSD and loud noises will trigger me, even the sound of yelling. After the argument calmed down I was a wreck. My heart rate was high and I felt like I wanted to jump out of my skin. Eventually I calmed down enough to feel the exhaustion that comes with a visit from my PTSD. That’s when the old ghost came in. The voices in my head were telling me to go eat something sweet. I fought for two hours before I finally gave in. One bowl of cereal later, my craving was gone but I was so disappointed in myself for breaking Keto. I have to admit, the cravings are less than in the past, before I started this journey I would devour an entire box of chocolates after a PTSD event.

I write this to remind you that we are all human. We will have days that suck. We will have days that we thrive. Finding some sort of balance is what is necessary for survival. Even if it’s messy, or shameful.

Even when the ghosts win, for now.

Peace, Charlene